Stuff, stuff, and more stuff.

There has been a lot on my mind lately. I guess I'll share some of it.
As some of you already know, I broke my foot at the end of June. (You can look up the blog on that if you really want to know the story. I'm not telling it anymore!) I've been a little less than active since then. I spent some time completely non weight bearing and then in July I got an awesome walking cast. I've gained some weight since this has happened so when I found out that the YMCA offers students a special discount at their facilities, I jumped at the opportunity. It's 25 bucks a month and the start up costs are waived. So all you pay is 25 bucks to start! I knew my education was good for something! I went tonight and I wasn't able to do too much. I lost a lot of muscle mass in my left leg while I was using crutches and even with the walking cast it hasn't fully come back. My leg got really tired but I'll just have to work up to it.

I've also been feeling a little depressed and very anxious lately. I know what the culprit of these emotions is so I'm doing what I can to make myself feel better. It's funny...depression even affects you physically. I was starting to feel tired, head achey, sore. I think it might have to do with not being so active like I used to be. My body needs the endorphines. There are also environmental stressors having to do with family and school but those are things that will work themselves out in time.

With my family...I feel like I don't really have one. My mom told me last week that sometimes she feels useless here and wants to move back to mexico. Then last night my cousin in mexico got sick so my mom just up and left for Hermosillo for who knows how long. I feel like her going there has to do with more than just my cousin having seizures. I think she just saw an opportunity and an excuse to go back "home". It's great. It made me sad to see her go on such a whim and I'm feeling really lonely but I know it's what would make her happy and I couldn't deny her what makes her happy. I just feel like I don't have family. My mom loves me but doesn't seem to want to be around me and my dad chose his other family over me. I've met my brother once in my adult life two years ago. I haven't talked to him since. I've tried. I met my sister in law and my niece once last June. It was an amazing experience and one that I am so grateful for. It's a day that will always stay with me. But lately I've tried calling/emailing her and I've gotten no response. If any of you watch One Tree Hill...I kinda feel like Brooke Davis. She's an only child with parents that have gone off and done their own thing. She feels forgotten and alone. I'm not trying to sound all emo or like a total downer. It just helps me to get things out. I know I have my ward family and amazing friends to help me get through anything. Even better than that, I know I have a Father in Heaven who knows what I'm going through and wants me to see every trial to it's end. I had a good talk with Adriane on Monday night and she reminded me of Section 122 in the Doctine & Covenants. It basically tells us that all our trials are for our own benefit. Jesus Christ had to bear unfathomable pain and affliction...and we're no where near being better than Him so we must expect to experience our own trials. I just had an epiphany....Jesus Christ was perfect...and he had to bear the most pain out of all of us. Funny how that works. I don't always post spiritual things like this but it's really the only thing getting me through everything I've felt lately. At least now I understand why I wasn't supposed to go to Utah. My family needed me. I'm not helping directly but if I had gone my mom wouldn't be able to go and I wouldn't have had the money to send to my cousin so she can afford to see the specialist she needs to see. Well I'll write something more uplifting later. If you read this...thank you. You're a trooper and deserve a medal for sticking it out.

Hugs...
Joycie