Friday, October 10, 2008

critique, growth, and black and white photos.

Tonight I had my second photo critique of the semester. The object of this assignment was to experiment with frame and vantage point. I missed class all last week so I was totally stressing because the only time I had was during lab. Luckily I have an awesome teacher who lets us off the hook a bit when he knows we've been working hard. Anyway...I felt really confident with the work I presented. Last week was rough. I felt like I really sucked and the content of my photos wasn't so great. The motivation and inspiration were running low but I thought..."What the heck...I'm going to balboa and taking some pictures!" I took the lady I work with and she offered to pose as my model! Any of you who have met her know she's adorable! She LOVES to be in front of the camera. Unfortunately I can't scan and post any of the photos until I acquire a photo release from work so the company doesn't get used for violating any privacy policies. But I learned a lot during this shoot. I felt like I grew as a photographer by stepping outside of my comfort zone and photographing strangers. Some of them I went up to and talked to and asked them if I could take a picture...some I just did completely candidly. This helped me gain confidence in street photography.
I also grew because I learned to wait for things that inspire me instead of just blowing through a roll of film so I could have something to process in class. Look around you and find the mundane things in life that we often just walk by...find a vantage point that will give you a new perspective of the world.
I love black and white photography! Color has it's place but there are some things better left in black and white because sometimes color can distract us from connecting with an image. For example, a girl in class had a close up photo of a telephone pole with hundreds of nails and tacks. This is something that we would normally walk past and not give a second look. Had it been in color I don't think it would have had the same effect. Anyway...I'm geeking it up pretty bad right now. I'm working on starting another blog for my photo stuff. Once we get into digital in class I'll be able to scan my images and you guys can critique them all you want. You'd be doing me a favor. :) Oh...and I got my first assignment back. I got an A! I got a 100percent on it! YAY!

And for those of you who don't think photography is an art...go try the darkroom instead of photoshop! :) haha

Saturday, October 4, 2008

dinner dates...

I have a date tomorrow night with a person who'd name shall remain anonymous. We're going out to dinner and it got me thinking...
I really don't enjoy dinner dates. If anything I'm down for dessert or some fro yo (fro yo deserves it's own category)
Dinner dates are least on the first date. You sit across from each other forced to make conversation for about an hour and a half or so. If you're lucky, you and your date really click so the convo comes naturally. But either're sitting across from each other stuffing your faces as you regurgitate random information about yourself, trying to make yourself seem interesting enough to pursue further while still maintaining an attractive facade. about pressure. Have you watched people eat? Have you watched yourself eat? Next time you eat, try putting a mirror in front of you. You'll quickly find that you'll lose your appetite. Not so pretty once you stop and look, huh? Not so pretty once you stop and smell the roses, eh?

I'm sorry if I sound cynical or if I'm promoting poor self esteem. This all dates back to last April. I had a sit-down dinner for my first date with this guy. He said something funny and as I laughed, a grain of rice was expelled from somewhere in my pie hole. Lo and behold it flew across the table and landed next to him. Thankfully, it didn't land in his food. Needless to say...
I'm sure he could sense my embarassment so he didn't say anything even though I knew he saw it. I watched his eyes follow the flying rice across the table. Anywho...I'm going out to dinner with a nice fella tomorrow. I'll make sure to steer clear from the rice.

Until next time...take care of yourself...and each other.


Thursday, October 2, 2008

10 Things (cont.)

I still can't think of the last 5 things so I'll just start writing anyway and see what comes to me.

6) Waxing- I actually enjoy it. I know it hurts, but it feels good. It's crazy. The pain only lasts a second. It feels like you got slapped with a ruler...but only for a moment. It must release some adrenaline or something because it's kind of a rush. The feeling is only magnified when you wax yourself. Sometimes I'll wax my arms and the peach fuzz on the back of my hands for the heck of it. Needless to say I also wax soe facial hair. Yeah I said it! Every girl has it. Nothing wrong with that. However I a pleased to say that I no longer need to wax my chin. I've gotten laser hair removal done and it's worked really well. It was more painful that waxing...even with the topical anesthetic. The laser felt like a series of rubber bands constantly hitting you except it wasn't just felt on the surface of the skin. It was felt deep in the dermis. The laser works by sending concentrated amounts of heat and radiation to the hair follicle which kills the follicle. I have polycystic ovary syndrome which messes with my hormones...which is why I'm such a fuzzy girl. I used to be so ashamed of it but I've grown to accept my body the way it is...most of the time. There are so many ways to get rid of excess hair that it's really not a big deal anymore. A lot more people have this problem than we think, but they just take care of it so well that you'd never notice.

Stuff, stuff, and more stuff.

There has been a lot on my mind lately. I guess I'll share some of it.
As some of you already know, I broke my foot at the end of June. (You can look up the blog on that if you really want to know the story. I'm not telling it anymore!) I've been a little less than active since then. I spent some time completely non weight bearing and then in July I got an awesome walking cast. I've gained some weight since this has happened so when I found out that the YMCA offers students a special discount at their facilities, I jumped at the opportunity. It's 25 bucks a month and the start up costs are waived. So all you pay is 25 bucks to start! I knew my education was good for something! I went tonight and I wasn't able to do too much. I lost a lot of muscle mass in my left leg while I was using crutches and even with the walking cast it hasn't fully come back. My leg got really tired but I'll just have to work up to it.

I've also been feeling a little depressed and very anxious lately. I know what the culprit of these emotions is so I'm doing what I can to make myself feel better. It's funny...depression even affects you physically. I was starting to feel tired, head achey, sore. I think it might have to do with not being so active like I used to be. My body needs the endorphines. There are also environmental stressors having to do with family and school but those are things that will work themselves out in time.

With my family...I feel like I don't really have one. My mom told me last week that sometimes she feels useless here and wants to move back to mexico. Then last night my cousin in mexico got sick so my mom just up and left for Hermosillo for who knows how long. I feel like her going there has to do with more than just my cousin having seizures. I think she just saw an opportunity and an excuse to go back "home". It's great. It made me sad to see her go on such a whim and I'm feeling really lonely but I know it's what would make her happy and I couldn't deny her what makes her happy. I just feel like I don't have family. My mom loves me but doesn't seem to want to be around me and my dad chose his other family over me. I've met my brother once in my adult life two years ago. I haven't talked to him since. I've tried. I met my sister in law and my niece once last June. It was an amazing experience and one that I am so grateful for. It's a day that will always stay with me. But lately I've tried calling/emailing her and I've gotten no response. If any of you watch One Tree Hill...I kinda feel like Brooke Davis. She's an only child with parents that have gone off and done their own thing. She feels forgotten and alone. I'm not trying to sound all emo or like a total downer. It just helps me to get things out. I know I have my ward family and amazing friends to help me get through anything. Even better than that, I know I have a Father in Heaven who knows what I'm going through and wants me to see every trial to it's end. I had a good talk with Adriane on Monday night and she reminded me of Section 122 in the Doctine & Covenants. It basically tells us that all our trials are for our own benefit. Jesus Christ had to bear unfathomable pain and affliction...and we're no where near being better than Him so we must expect to experience our own trials. I just had an epiphany....Jesus Christ was perfect...and he had to bear the most pain out of all of us. Funny how that works. I don't always post spiritual things like this but it's really the only thing getting me through everything I've felt lately. At least now I understand why I wasn't supposed to go to Utah. My family needed me. I'm not helping directly but if I had gone my mom wouldn't be able to go and I wouldn't have had the money to send to my cousin so she can afford to see the specialist she needs to see. Well I'll write something more uplifting later. If you read this...thank you. You're a trooper and deserve a medal for sticking it out.