Something...

Something has changed within me. I don't know what it is exactly, where it came from, or how it happened.

I'm happy.

I'm happy being me. I'm happy having the extra curves I've looked at with such disdain for all these years. I'm happy to live life, love people, and be loved. I'm confident enough to speak my mind as tactfully and diplomatically as I know how. I'm okay with wearing my bathing suit to the beach...without the shorts and tshirt that for so many years plagued me with yucky tan lines. aka my mormon tan lines ;) I'm independent enough to take care of myself and not fall to pieces when I'm alone. I love myself enough to no longer make people a priority in my life if to them I am merely an option. Something inside me makes me feel so alive. It craves the thrill of living each day and saying yes to opportunities that come my way, as opposed to shying away from them.

I am by no means taking things to the extreme of "yes man" so don't get all carried away thinking you can throw obnoxious requests my way. :p Although I might be down to throw potato salad from a chandelier with you Janis. :) I still want to lose weight. But my motivation now is not to impress a guy or to fit into a smaller pair of jeans. Those are just things that ice the cake that contains my desire to be a healthier, stronger, more energetic daughter of God. That very same health, strength, and energy are the things which will enable me to live and learn as Heavenly Father's plan intended for us to.

I am not saying that from this day until the last day of my existence I will maintain this level of confidence. Like many things in life, happiness and confidence go through cycles. There are times you are stronger than others. But today I am comfortable in my own skin.


And so should you.

happines has a bitter after-taste.

today is the day i feel the pain,
caused by the storm that poured all this rain,
you've bruised my heart and killed my soul,
my emotions have lost control.
i thought i'd never have to feel this once more,
but your silence spoke the words that tore.
i'm trying to find the will to live.
because never again my heart can i give.
i know somehow the sun will soon rise,
despite the decietful words, your lies.
You painted me picture of a colorful future,
just moments before you ripped out the last suture.
i tried to have faith in you despite being young,
but i guess our ship has sailed, our song has been sung.
i'll try to forget your arms, so warm and secure.
and try to find out how my soul i can cure.
I'll try to forget the way we would kiss.
and the way the your lips felt on mine, like bliss.
i'll try to forget the way you looked into my eyes,
and remember why its love i despise.
i'll try to forget all the sweet words you said,
and then at last i'll get you out of my head.